Dr. Doctor
Nikolai Volkoff
AVAILABLE FOR SEX (after the show)
Praise the Lord
Seven stories
Etchings
Loose pubes
Tommy-Lee
Cause it Impresses the Ladies
The Architects (The Architects' Theme song)
Dr. Doctor, my boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex,
Dr. Doctor, I'm 16 and I'm not sure if I'm ready yet,
What should I do oo woo.
What should I do oo woo.
Everybody's doing it, why aren't you
Everybody's doing it, why aren't you
Dr. Doctor, my Auto CAD Express Tools aren't working
Dr. Doctor, my Auto CAD Express Tools aren't working
What should I do oo woo.
What should I do oo woo.
At the command prompt type EXPRESSMENU
At the command prompt type EXPRESSMENU
(note: migrating express tools to 2000 or 2002, copy the acettest.fas file into the Acad support folder copy your express folder into the Acad root directory, then type express menu. The express tools are now built into release 2004.)
Dr. Doctor, when I go to the toilet if feels like I'm pissing razor blades,
Dr. Doctor, when I go to the toilet if feels like I'm pissing razor blades,
What should I do oo woo.
What should I do oo woo.
You have a urinary tract infection, drink lots of water and cranberry juice,
Take these antibiotics and hope you don't get thrush too, thrush too, thrush too.
His name was Nikolai
Nikolai Volkoff,
His tag team partners name,
Was Boris Zukoff
He didn't play ice hockey,
Like Larryanoff,
But he liked to drink,
from his bottle of Smirnoff.
The Leningrad Cowboys
Were his favourite band
On weak Americans
He liked to stand
At 303lb
He ate not kasha, but stroganoff
Now Sputniks gone to the pound
And the cold war is off
Now nobody hates him
But nobody likes him
Melancholy Lithuanian
Nothing much excites him
He can't wrestle in the US
There's no where he can go
But to stick on a mask
And wrestle in Mexico .
AVAILABLE FOR SEX (after the show)
Available for sex,
On your knees
Available for sex,
Darling please
Available for sex,
Wanna cover you in cheese
Available for sex,
Arts degrees
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex,
With girls that young
Available for sex,
‘till your done
Available for sex,
Blood clot in the lung
Available for sex,
Like Annabel Chung
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex, after the show
Available for sex, after the show
Praise the Lord (he's feeling insecure)
In the beginning was the word
And that word was God
The word before that was Gobble
The throaty, gurgly cry of the turkey cock
He's feeling insecure
Big cross prop
On his water walking tour
Waits patiently
For the liquid nails to cure
Praise the Lord
He's feeling insecure
Praise the Lord (he's feeling insecure)
Jesus built my spice rack
Jesus built my chopping board
Jesus built my house to lock up stage
He's so good with wood
Praise the lord
Praise the Lord
He's feeling insecure
He's site union rep
But members are getting fewer
Hard yakka overalls,
Loin cloth of velure
Praise the Lord
He's feeling insecure
Man can't get job, dresses as a woman, gets the job
Boy meets girl, boy looses girl, boy stalks girl, boys is issued with a restraining order, boy kidnaps girl, boy goes to prison, boy is raped in the showers by Mr Big who's in with the wardens
There are only seven stories
Tom Hanks is in two
There are only seven stories
Mel Gibson is in a few
Spy saves world with sign posted equipment, he gets laid
Twins are separated at birth, they are reunited
Boy / Girl has birthday, thinks everyone has forgotten, she attempts suicide, friends and family jump out from behind furniture for a surprise birthday party
Good guy's family is killed, he gets revenge
(Ten years ago)/(In 1972)* a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escapedfrom a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, stillwanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have aproblem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hirethe A-Team."
*(In the first-season episodes the narration started "Ten years ago..." and in all other seasons it started "In 1972.") The A-Team consisted of the following four men:
“(LIEUTENANT) COLONEL JOHN "HANNIBAL" SMITH (played by George Peppard)
" LIEUTENANT TEMPLETON ARTHUR "FACEMAN" PECK (played by Dirk Benedict)
SERGEANT BOSCO "BAD ATTITUDE (B.A.)" BARACUS (played by Mr. T)
CAPTAIN H. M. "HOWLIN' MAD" MURDOCK (played by Dwight Schultz)
Tuesday night, as seedy bar,
Drummer rocked up in his shiny car,
Jack hammer played the drums, used his best fills
Complicated rhythms, twirls and thrills,
Dozer played the base, furiously
Emphasised the one, like his hero Bootsy
In his splendid marone, velure suit
He scanned the crowd, to spy his root
Que ball took the guitar, in his hand
And he played and he played so drunkenly
He witled some groves, he pulled rock moves
To seduce the madden, “come home with the”
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
After the set, at the bar
Que Ball said he would be a star
“I'm lead guitarist, lead singer, lead bloody everything”
“Fuck off loser, I want a man that is thin”
Then Dozer, AKA “Grass cutter”
Came over to see, what was the matter
“Blasted lesbians” Que Ball said with a frown
“not a chance of, going down”
“well maybe it's time for me to give it a shot
I've been working out, feel my hard bot.
Hey babe, come over and feel my ass
Over his face went the contents of her glass”
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Whilst the lads were trying their luck
Jack Hammer was busy packing up
The madden marorded over to speak to him
She smiled and said, after a sip of her gin,
“aren't you the guy from the saints?
Hi I'm sue, I've always wanted to get to know you”
Jack had been in a bit of a drought lately
So went along, pretending to be Chris Bailey
“that's a smashing sweater” she said
“It really is quite fetching,
Maybe you'd like to come home with me
…..And see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
Baby would you like to see my etchings
All right?
Loose pubes
In the back seat of my car
Loose pubes
In the penut butter jar
Loose pubes
Body hair shed
Loose pubes
All through my bed
Loose pubes
Even in my dope
Loose pubes
Cling to bars of soap
Loose pubes
Genitalic body hair
Loose pubes
Are everywhere
Loose pubes
Every where we meet
Loose pubes
On the toilet seat
Loose pubes
On my pants and underneath
Loose pubes
Caught between my teeth
Deaf dumb blind boy
Play'n with his toy
His rotating drum kit
Like me or you
‘Till he joined the crew
And he started loosing it
Drugs and drink
More and more
Try'na find what
He's search'n for
Girls, Girls, Girls
Heather and leather and fur
Drink drive accident
All a blur
Tommy-Lee
Can't you see
Tommy-Lee
If only you were g g g g
Good for me
I feel the burden
I feel the weight
Of carrying Tommy this far
I'm the chosen one
I'm going solo
I am a star
Tommy couldn't believe
That Vince had left
He fell into a deep depression
Through himself
From the Brooklyn bridge
Vince had become
A dark obsession
Dragged from the surf
By a well endowed lady
We call Pam
“you saved me”
“I love you”
“I am the king of glam”
Tommy-Lee
Can't you see
Tommy-Lee
If only you were g g g g
Good for me
Star crossed lovers
Pam in bathers
Keep'n a record of their love
Archived digitally
Then set free
Like an .mpg or a dove
“you didn't want to
share our passion
you lousy bitch
you need some bash'n”
but Pam decide
to break the silence
6 months
for domestic violence
Barb wire
Burn'n with desire
Burn'n like fire
Pool accident
Funeral pyre
Build an office tower
Work out for hours
Piecing didn’t hurt
Wear a muscle shirtReal fast car
Chain smoke’n at the bar
Plasma TV set
Gets you all Wet
--------------------------------------------------------
Lattes by the lake
Bake a chocolate cake
Read’n all the time
Know a lot about wineCrash you little car
To get a big scar
Ride my motor like a rocket
Pair of drumsticks in my pocket
----------------------------------------------------------
Golf’n under par
Play electric guitar
Pussy juice grin
Bit of hair above the chinInternational accent
Wears deodorant
Chalet in France
Snake skin pants…
The Architects (The Architects' Theme song)
I'm not good with saws, and I can't use a hammer
But I can draw a hyper surface, or a 3D parabola
I wear all black, but I don't like Mega Death
I talk about Heidegger, and plaster board in the same breath
(‘cause), I'm the Architect
(Sexuality), isn't suspect
(Building sites), I like to inspect
(Faulty work), I will reject
I should drive a black Porsche, or at least a black Mercedes
I carry a big roll of drawings, but it's just to impress the ladies
My ideas come from Mies, and the latest ElCroquies
I like Zinc cladding, but my clients don't got the money
(‘cause), I'm the Architect
(Sexuality), isn't suspect
(Building sites), I like to inspect
(Faulty work), I will reject
We're the Architects
We're the Architects
We're the Architects
We're the Architects